financial autopsy, writing right and clinging on to dreams
5 Comments Published by rizumu on Sunday, July 06, 2008 at 12:12 PM.
I scribbled in the most unnatural form for my liking but I know this picture of financial management would not move, but the scenery will continue to change as I add new variables to my life. Financial planning is tough.
I am in the midst of doing a full review with a surface indication as of yesterday on my money holdings. After laying the early foundations which were extremely tough and foolish (as we all learn to control our money), I had to do an honest and real financial autopsy on my money.
Thank God for excel. Thank God for conscience.
It doesn't look good. I should be in a better position but not impossible to rectify. Now, I just need to do it. Proper or I might end up as a pauper (this might be stretching it but it's to state a point).
As I move into year 3 with Sara Lee, and after my personal one on one with top heads, the path has been set, it's a steep one ahead. My heart will be pumping as I build my corporate endurance. Of course the perks of having growing numbers in your bank account will excite me. This next one year is crucial, I have to monitor my growth monthly in terms of career and financial wealth. If I play my cards right with wisdom and definitely humility, this might turn out to be a big winner. It's not easy, never has been. I never had the 'easy card' ever. I always had the cards just enough to make things happen. And this is one such card game, a new round.
My right brain overpowers my left tremendously, I probably shudder at numbers other than attractive female numbers and CNY gambling ratio perhaps. But it is something I need to own up and own. And I say this again, thank God for excel. It helps. At least the picture is much clearer.
So as I chart this new page with rigorous monitoring, and being really anal about what goes where and when does it go there and punting on right investments, playing risk taker versus risk adverse shadow - all of this come back to one timely property - wisdom itself. And I'll measure my success this way, if after a year, I managed my own garden better than the last patch albeit hitting some walls, then yes, I have rise above the waters and that would be a new dot of progression. Less foolish, wisdom nuggets, forward collectibles to plant to a future year; and before you know it, in all economic sense, there's always an exponential point. And unless heaven forbid, I would really like to catch the point of the positive trends.
I realize the only way I'll ever make good sense for understanding anything is writing. I need to ask questions and write my answers down. I have a tendency to sleep with a problem and wake up with a question. I would go - there's a big problem - how do I make it to a small problem - then how do I make it to a no problem. This idea of down sizing trains the mind to soften the landing perhaps. Easier said than done and I tend to lose comfort rest anyway.
But writing right here is about being intentional and full of purpose. My castles in the sky, I never really built them because I was afraid to land them. So I basically tucked them in the north shore of oblivion. But there are times of re-visitation, the ah...you know, what could have beens. And so many portion of these scribbles has started with potency are now well...barely beginning infancy.
I am pulling these writings out. I am laying everything on the floor and snapping a mental picture and playing in the mind; which of you are the winner? Are you worth my time to begin with, but they knock equal weight in my mind because they shout all - we're all a part of you in some way. May I introduce:
Kembali - a story about love. The love that never made it but somehow made all sense.
TRP project - near & far dots of family history that intertwines with relationships.
Reaching for the stars would be the best description for clinging on to dreams. We all have our own, sometimes a dream itself may be a person, some are ambition and others, to make a difference. I don't really know what's mine because I don't paint it well, it's lacking focus, strength and detail - it's just a colored layout. The canvas is somewhat shared. I need to digress, some say for dreams to happen you need a safety net. And that is support in any form actually, and we do have that. Some piercing thoughts of late, my canvas has been filled with the dreams of others, their responsibility upon me and the nature of how life paint itself in its bloodline. I am having the most toughest time reasoning them out and it doesn't help when I don't have the answers. But I think it's time I start letting go so that I can chase for my own stars, and during this lean period ties back to the point of my financial autopsy because I am going to climb this one on my own.
I have decided to give up what is his to build what is mine, something I would like to call my own.
And in this I go in fear and trembling with much reverence to the Lord who gives me the strength, wisdom and accountability in humility; just enough for each day.
=D Well, I'm sure that it has been a fruitful 3 year experience for you at Sara Lee ei? Always remember that, when life gives you big problems, show them ur big God... and when they give you poo, flush it down. Ya know, (well you don't but nevermind I'll tell you now) I can totally relate to that part where you wrote bout, how sometimes you want to build that castle but can't really do it in a way, and then it's just tucked away in the north shore of oblivion,and one fine day you just lie down somewhere and go "what if" .. it still keeps me wondering though, but I guess, life still goes on, and I shouldn't regret either. (yea.. I know I'm still "young" and I have all the time in the world... but.. not really?)
hmm... I don't know, something rather silly came in my mind, it's a picture, of wanting to build that castle using certain "tools" without noticing that I can build it too using the other "tools" as in, we want to honour Him in that way, but... at times, we can honour Him in another way too. perspectives. and bout ur last few lines, I thought of asking bout something, but then again, we'll leave that for another day k? =)
oh and btw, ahaha, this one can ask here, no problem wan.. why rizumu?hahaha..
hey E! wah, so much insight there - had to read it a few times :) wise words, wise words there. Yeah, you are still VERY young, build highways if you wanna :)
a lot of questions huh hehe.
rizumu? it means rhythm in japanese and that was the pace for me - to sculpt/write in rhythm - a beat that resonates. ta-dah!
ahah.. yeap... I always have many questions when I read people's blog and when I meet new people, but... truth is, I'm very shy wan... like really. haha.
Oh ic.. profound indeed... such deep stuff.=) Actually, when I saw ur nick, somehow, I kept picturing a small white mouse named Rizumu...from a cartoon or something.cuz it actually sounds like a rat to me. hahaha.So.. I thought that maybe this "mouse" had something in common with you, and.. yea, you decided to call yourself Rizumu. hahaha. crazy imaginations. ahaha, glad I actually asked or not I'll keep thinking of you as that imaginary mouse.
"I have decided to give up what is his to build what is mine, something I would like to call my own" ... I could surely relate to that. Been there too often. Oh, how we struggle to prove to someone what we're worth or capable of, that we're 'free' but the irony of it all, we're actually just trapped for some sort of an 'acknowledgement' from that same someone. Are you getting where I'm getting at?
Nway, am glad to be in your space. A little deep sometimes but what less could I expect from a fellow INFJ? Just impossible for us to describe a tear simply as 'sadness' or whatever 1-word but rather, 'an explosion of overwhelming emotions'. So the drama are we :p
Your post was so long and a bit winding at first since i hadn't really looked at the title. But that's how it is when we write what is on our minds eh...
I' m not usually a fan of wordy posts.. not all the time anyways.. but your blog is one of the few i make and exception for. It just spews with emotions that is very well written. Hence i look forward to what Kembali will be once completed. :)
I can understand very much on trying to get the financial bit stable, i still have yet to do an autopsy on it.. but if u ever get the chance, try using Microsoft money, which i found has helped others when it comes to planning.
I hope work is doing ok for you as you move into your third year there.
As for painting dreams and reaching for the stars...you aren't alone in that. I sometimes wonder though whether the dreams we have coincide with God's plans for us. Whatever the path though, I'm leaving it in God's hands whom i know will provide.
"I have decided to give up what is his to build what is mine, something I would like to call my own." Deep thoughts here.. care to elaborate more on that?